“Do Children In Scotland Have A Right To”

I’m off to the tub to soak off the gardening grime and cogitate upon my next posting. But meanwhile, here’s the next installment of Weird Search Terms (WST), absurd poems created from those curious search-engine queries that have landed people to my blog.

WST May cause drowsiness. Alcohol may intensify this effect. Use care when operating a car or dangerous machinery. Avoid direct sunlight.

  • mr escher
  • i am doing a research paper on arthritis
  • butterfly mudbath
  • what type of math problem would a person
  • number asperger agent
  • prove that you’re not the same
  • “red queen” recent research 2008 2007
  • safe ways to inflict pain for fun
  • it was good sitting with you
  • please dont say a word
  • why do i suffer. i do not get stimulas?
Advertisements

“i’m going to ghana, why take garlic pill”

Now if you guessed that cryptic headline means this is another issue of Weird Search Terms, then you’re right! (I’ve plenty of serious posts to write, but am not feeling spiffy, so I’m posting this instead.)

For those of you who aren’t familiar with such, about once a month I make “Dada-ist” poems out of the most peculiar weird search terms that landed people to my blog. (Each line is a different term; the Web seems to be used by a lot of very odd people.) These are guaranteed to stretch your brain all out of shape, so set your Grammar Editor aside, and engage the Willing Suspension of Disbelief.

  • it was a dark and stormy night
  • casual conversation for aspergers
  • star trek galaxy class wallpaper
  • change of barometric pressure causes
  • stimming in normal children
  • how to make a phone call in 70 easy steps
  • cats drawing
  • port stain birthmark metaphysical meaning
  • insects are our friends
  • words disabled people don’t mind hearing
  • superstitions ain’t the way
  • inclusion in the 4th grade classroom
  • need more chocolate brownie
  • why i would be a good counselor for
  • arachnids and tics
  • speaks well, high scores in tests poorly
  • stimming spinning strategies
  • signed I+love+you
  • bedroom bugs

lego scorpion surgically remove broad shoulders

Don’t I feel special – my blog seems to be a sink for a great many weird search terms. Owing to a long week full of short sleeps, I’m posting this mind-bending nonsense for today, and will resume usual blogging again tomorrow.

This time I have put them into “dada-ist” poetic form. Each line is a different search term that landed someone to my blog [sic]. This is even better than wee “poetry magnets”, because I get a bunch of different phrases each time!

Hat tip to Bev who came up with the idea after one of my earlier Weird Search Term posts.

lego scorpion
surgically remove broad shoulders
people that got shot in the arm
a condition in which a person has no rot Read the rest of this entry »

phlegm ringing dyspraxia stars

With a title like that, you know it’s gotta be another edition of “Weird Search Terms”! These are just some of the phrases that landed people to my blog recently.

There’s the usual run of unintelligible combinations:

  • phlegm ringing
  • migraines tapioca pudding
  • gluton in humans
  • epidemiology of sowbug
  • chit tea and water
  • punishment in inflation
  • old teacher big bread sucking student
  • drawing cat 45 tool holder
  • winded bugs
  • epidemiologist investigate humor
  • beautiful crush bug media
  • back titties
  • prosopagnosia number pi
  • “baking soda” “insomnia”
  • euphoniuc dissonance

(A euphonium is like a baritone tuba; does your brass need tuning up?)

  • cat hitting forehead

(Is that cat hitting its forehead or yours?)

  • dyspraxia stars

(Media stars that are dyspraxic?)

  • the venus of

(… of what?)

I suppose that with millions of humans on this planet, there are bound to be some odd word or concept combinations in search-engine queries. But why do so many of them land at my blog?

Then we have the Complete Nonsense queries (quack, quack, quack): Read the rest of this entry »

burning questions about phonics versus … pig ovaries

Yes indeed, it’s another exciting episode of your favourite irregularly-scheduled posting, Weird Search Terms. “Teh interwebs” is a strange and wondrous place, and some of it lands here! So without further ado (cue drummer):

More queries for the Interwebs Oracle:

  • i have to tell you something important
  • sleep recording surgery in rat brain
  • burning questions about phonics versus
  • pig ovaries
  • do i have fluid in my ear
  • can’t hear the fairy music
  • oxymoron – i need the number with no dig
  • how many bottons do air-planes have

bottoms? buttons?

In answer to your question: No. No. No. No. (Wash, rinse, repeat.)

  • chronic sleep deprivation causes autism
  • challenge test for heavy metals?
  • testimonials as evidence in science
  • egg white cures mercury poisoning
  • tinnitus green tea
  • sympathy and pity help the person to adj
  • vaccinations causing learning disabiliti
  • does finger flicking pages mean autism
  • asperger self hatred
  • auditory processing disorder stupid

Things get even weirder, leaving me blinking and repeating, “G’blrrg?” (the non-word I say when I am utterly baffled): Read the rest of this entry »

The Blue People are gaining!

Here is another edition of the Weird Search Terms, because I know you folks just live for these.

Trend alert! Blue people is gaining on Cat drawing for frequency. I have no idea why folks are looking for blue people, unless they’re looking for the band Blue Man Group?* Then again, a lot of these queries don’t make sense:

Ooh shiny cat disabled autism dust

A fresh batch of Weird Search Terms, and boy, are there some whoppers in here!

With an increase in traffic comes an increase in the number of search terms that lead people to my blog — and an increase in the number of peculiar search terms. Since I started my work day at 7:30 am and finished my last class at 9:20 pm, I have not had any time for writing today. So this seems like a good day to post the latest entertaining slushpile. My favourites are at the end, of course.

The most common are still in the “how to draw a cat” category, go figure:

  • cat drawing
  • drawing cat
  • draw cats
  • how to draw cat
  • cat+draw
  • Cats drawing
  • line drawing cat

Hmn, that last one sounds like it ought to be a children’s story. “Macvicar was a line-drawing cat; he drew lines on everything: the walls, the furniture, the stairs, the rugs, even pieces of mail …”

Er, what’s this about?

“Searching, please hold …”

NOTE: BEVERAGE-SPEW WARNING — funny stuff ahead

  • request the pleasure of your company

Why, thank you!

Every day I like to look at the search terms that brought people to my blog. And every day there are several requests for “cat drawing” or some variation thereof, which lands people on my page about prosopagnosia, as does “faceblindness”. Of course, every Web site gets its share of weird search hits. Here are some of mine, including my all-time favourites, which are at the end of the list. (As you might guess from some of these truncated references, the WordPress search-term lister has a character limit.)

Meanwhile, I have:

  • prove you are not a robot

That would be related to the devilish annoyance of CAPTCHA. I hope! Sometimes I think people view search engines as modern versions of crystal balls — a lot of queries are scripted in ways that suggest someone is asking questions of an oracle: Read the rest of this entry »