shrinking

My Things To Do list has lain dormant in my purse all week. Not for having forgotten which Very Safe Place that I stuck it into. Not for having too few things to do to bother writing them down (as if).

Rather, because there is so little I can get done in a day. The effective list of Things To Do is reduced to:
dressing and eating breakfast,
working at job #1,
eating lunch and grading papers for job #2,
working at job #1,
eating dinner and preparing something like a lesson for job #2,
teaching job #2,
doing a bit more preparing something like a lesson,
and crashing in bed.

On Saturdays there are exciting departures from this plan:
dressing and eating breakfast,
filling up gas tank,
teaching job #3,
eating lunch and preparing for the afternoon’s lecture,
teaching job #3
getting groceries,
eating dinner and finally relaxing,
and crashing in bed.

Sleep.  Eat.  Repeat.

The good news is that the past week I have been sleeping more.
The bad news is that on Wednesday “sleeping more” meant coming home from job #1 and crashing directly “without passing Go and collecting $200” because I had a migraine.
The good news is that I have been sleeping more every night this week.
The bad news is that means I have less prep time for classes, which results in a lot of crazy-ass last-minute scrambling, the sort that all too badly resembles ADHD scatterbrains.
The bad news is that I am sleeping more, yet being even more tired when I am awake.
The bad news is that once again, I managed to sprain my other ankle this week, and was gimpy and then limpy during the week. While a cane is useful for pointing at plants we’re learning about, that’s not a great reason for owning one.
(No, I didn’t miss the alternating “good news” lines — there weren’t any.)

Go to work.  Prepare to go to work.  Go to work.  Prepare to go to work.  Sleep.  Eat.  Repeat.

I’m so tired, so utterly exhausted, so damnably fatigued and brain-mushy, that my list of what I am able to do is shrinking down to the Just Scraping By levels in all my jobs.

Adding anything beyond the most necessary of tasks is daunting.

Finishing up my circuit through the market (the frozen foods aisle) and then realising that I could make lasagne this week, but would still need to get some ricotta and mozzarella to go with the spaghetti sauce and gluten-free lasagna noodles that I already have on hand at home, was simply too daunting.  I paused halfway between frozen potatoes and frozen waffles, wavering both mentally and physically, realised that the cheeses were at the other end of the giant supermarket, and gave up.  I leaned the cart into motion to reach the nearest queue.  No lasagne this week.

Stop by an office supply store after work to get needed items before my coupon expires?  Forget it.

Stop by the mobile phone store after work to enquire about changing my plan?  Forget it, at least until Sunday when I’m not at work all day.

Stop by the post office after work to drop some parcels into the post?  Forget it; I’ll send them when I’m at the market on Saturday.

Stop by the pharmacy mid-week to get my ADHD prescription refilled?  Forget it; I’ll send them when I’m at the market on Saturday.

Stop by the pet store after work to get crickets?  Forget it, at least until Sunday when I’m not at work all day.

My focus on what I can accomplish in a day has shrunk.  Go to work.  Prepare to go to work.  Go to work.  Prepare to go to work.  Sleep.  Eat.  Repeat.

I guess you could say that gaining a pound is good news, except that the overall trend is still losing weight, ever closer to that lower limit I shouldn’t cross. Nothing fits. Not even my rings or watch band. I’m ambivalent about stopping in the boy’s department of the local Target store to get a new belt, because I don’t want to remain at this size, or spend the money, or walk around with my slacks all scrunched up at the waist, or walk around with my slacks drooping to my hips.

Sleep.  Eat.  Repeat.

Too much shrinking, all around.

4 Comments

  1. qw88nb88 said,

    12 October 2008 at 18:43

    The third job was only during September, thankfully. I can finally get home stuff and class stuff done on weekends now. I just wish I had 3-day weekends, or even a whole week off to catch up…

    andrea

  2. Suzanne said,

    7 October 2008 at 7:21

    And the third job?

  3. qw88nb88 said,

    5 October 2008 at 15:09

    Suzanne,
    So would that be the job that pays me a living wage, or the job that gives me medical insurance? (I’m in the United States, so without the latter, I would not be able to pay for the doctors and treatments for my existing ailments, much less any future problems.)

    One of my goals is to have one full-time job. In this economy, that’s easier said than done…

    andrea

  4. Suzanne said,

    5 October 2008 at 6:35

    You need to shrink your employment load before you fade away completely.


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