The Blue People are gaining!

6 February 2008 at 17:40 (Geeks, Humor/ Fun Stuff, Mathematics And Statistics, Weird Search Terms)

Here is another edition of the Weird Search Terms, because I know you folks just live for these.

Trend alert! Blue people is gaining on Cat drawing for frequency. I have no idea why folks are looking for blue people, unless they’re looking for the band Blue Man Group?* Then again, a lot of these queries don’t make sense:

• beetles house hard backs
• cat goal
• sentence of non-verbal
• mutualism kids
• ideal geek nose
• system automatically restart error is CP
• escher chideren
• you me shirt
• the answer of bell ringers of math week
• hanging nose
• aspergus humor
• tread
• butons to clots
• dr AWING cats
• how train honeybees

I’m sure all my readers with CP will be glad to have that figured out!
Now, do they mean humor about Asperger’s or humor about asparagus?
Drawing cats or Dr. Awing Cats?
And why train honeybees? They don’t need potty-training.

• Things that make you say…..OMG

Personally, I find that life gives me enough things to say “OMG” about; why cruise the Web for more? Some of these search terms make me sigh, like turrets full of mercury, and “deadly” combinations:

• hysterical women migraines
• auditory processing disorder is it curb
• auditory processing disorder dont exist
• activities for gossiping
• mercury turrett
• hyperacusis and CAPD a deadly combinatio
• This exercise truly give me an opportuni

That last one looks like one smarmy intro for an essay; I am so glad I don’t teach introductory composition.

I could not possibly make these things up:

• dyslexic cow with tourettes
• geek feet tree
• bbc radio four longing for silence
• she dresses me in lingerie
• share with people who been same connd
• cats cause autism
• jam entrying into amadumbell university
• unlined see thru brass

Yes, I know that “Longing for Silence” is a program about tinnitus, but my proofreader part of the brain noticed that the query makes it sound like the radio station longs to be silent.
“See-thru brass” — and that, O Best Beloved, is why your teachers keep telling you that spelling counts!

How to tell when you have an “excessive use” of “quotation marks”:

• “chapter summary” “statistical methods”
• child “bite pencils”
• “cooking scampi” “shrimp”
• drawing “cat”
• “recursion” how to get “out”
• “long division” of “autistic children”
• “my leather bomber”

That reminds me; I managed to leave my leather bomber jacket and fedora somewhere, so if you find them, please let me know.

It’s not just about me:

• ANDREA UND Rug orange
• andrea teeny
• Andrea woo math
• andrea smiling prosopagnosia
• andrea is andrea

Except of course, when andrea is another andrea. From the “barking up the wrong blog” file:

• ballastexistenz “mental illness”
• n! recursive
• dope tissue covering aerogloss
• does caffeine make visual snow worse
• MEGACHURCH STATISTICS 2007
• red mac laptop
• real viewing of childbirth
• hypermobility wheelchair oxford
• Girls who apply make-up for elderly wome
• towel sales shopping about bath dates
• autism golf fundraiser themes

Is “autism golf” like miniature golf with spinning windmills and shiny gazing globes? Enquiring minds want to know.

Odd combos:

• hypermobility and migraine
• tax break for child with mental tourette
• adhd and menopause
• famous people with skin diseases
• texting and adhd
• hypermobility + gluten

It wouldn’t be a Weird Search Terms post without more Random Questions for the Interwebs Oracle:

• good plans to steal my brothers beanbag
• what things can i sue a person for?

(probably not stealing your brother’s beanbag)

• why attendance is required?
• how to stop being socially awkward
• unnecessary things people take on vacati
• how to audition for parts
• will there ever be a cure for tinnitus
• baby stares at lights, windows and blind
• how to tell if you’re strange
• who is the cute actor with a birthmark o
• why do humans have opposable thumbs
• are you walking funny?
• is gluton really a problem?

Do you mean gluten or gluttony?

The usual pile-up of alarming queries:

• whats the law on timing someone to eat w
• getting out whiteboard pen from clothes
• ways of getting a stuck eye contact out
• iep meeting scenarios about overpowering
• swolen fingers broken humorus
• testimonial phrases
• how to cheat on my social studies test
• worksheets on sarcasm for children

“Who needs evidence; we’ll just make up some testimonials!”
Andrea says, “If you spent as much time actually studying instead of figuring out how to cheat … ”
Now, do they mean worksheets for children to learn about sarcasm, or do they mean worksheets for how to be sarcastic to children? ::flinch::

And my favorite search terms:

• weird search queries

(delightfully recursive, that)

• disability studies done right respectful
• asperger eusocial
• empowering the client, counseling
• stimming in normal child

* We did have a blue person sighting at school when a student had a rather messy experience with food coloring in a science lab. ::sigh::