I am in the waiting place. Again. Still. It’s annoying.
I can be patient; I’ve spent hours waiting and watching for things to happen when doing outdoor photography, waiting for the sun to be covered by a cloud so the light is not so contrasty, waiting for the eternal wind to not blow so hard, waiting for an insect to alight somewhere, waiting for it to quit raining, et cetera.
But at the core, I like to operate and make my decisions based upon facts. A lack of (what feels like) sufficient or useful data leads me to milling around, stuck until I can figure out where or how to get the information I need. I also like to know what I’m going to be doing, so I can be prepared and plan around the other things in my life. One of the ways that I reduce stresses in my life is by limiting these free-floating anxieties.
Merely being in the limbo of putting things on hold because I’m stuck waiting is annoying, but I’m an adult. I can deal with feeling like I’m stuck on a dreary flight circling over O’Hare airport, waiting for a runway to free up. There’s no point in having a hissy fit because that won’t change anything. So why am I grousing?
Because my health is suffering from the delays. The arthralgia medication isn’t helping enough lately. Quite possibly because I’ve not had a solid night’s sleep in four months due to hot flashes/night sweats every 30-90 minutes. I got better sleep when I was nursing newborns! (Though frankly I was not sleeping well before the hot flashes.) My joints and muscles ache all over. I get frequent headaches. I have more bruises than ever, and I can’t tell if I’m just being clumsier from the exhaustion & stiffness, bruising more easily, or both. I’m sweating hot and shivering cold and hot and cold and hot and cold, regardless of the time of day or where I am. My stamina is lousy, and I’m mentally mushy half the time (again, good sleep would help). I feel like I’ve had the flu for five months — it’s almost as bad as the summer I had mono and Lyme.
About a year ago, I realised, “Boy, my joints ache a lot …” After a couple months of that, I decided to see my GP. So in March he suggested I see a rheumatologist for the chronic joint pain. I saw her in May, and she put me on better analgesics for the arthralgia. A few months later my GP took me off the HRT, as well as cutting my analgesics in half because he thought they were causing hypertension. (By November I ended up going back to the higher levels of analgesics because not surprisingly, pain makes my blood pressure worse.) My blood pressure has normalised again, but without the HRT I was thrown into menopausal hot flashes. My rheumatologist suggested I see my old OB/GYN about them, which had I not been so bloody tired might have occurred to me — it’s just that I’ve not seen her since the last follow-up after the hysterectomy several years ago. So in November I made an appointment with my OB/GYN, but there wasn’t an opening until December, and then we had to reschedule for January because she was out delivering a baby, as happens with OB/GYNs.
About a year ago, I realised, “Boy, my joints ache a lot …” Now I’ve moved up to “Boy, I can’t sleep and I’m having a lot of headaches and I ache all over.” It takes weeks to see yet another doctor. I sure hope something gets resolved. I’m signed up to take an evening college class next semester, but lately I’m just wiped by the time I get home from the para and tutoring work.
But meanwhile, I have …